Where It All Began

My father served in the military and both my brother and I were born overseas.  During my childhood, we moved every three to four years.  While we generally lived in such non-lively locations as Kansas and Virginia, we did spend four years in Hawaii.  I discovered at an early age that every time we moved I could invent a new personality to try out.  This played well into my love of acting – something that stays with me to this day.  My parents were both raised in earnest Baptist homes and my (perhaps faulty and idealized) recollection is that we went to church regularly until we moved to Hawaii where we began to go only at Christmas and Easter.  I wasn’t baptized as a child, but I considered myself raised as a Baptist and internalized the moral lessons and values I learned.  In a childlike way I assumed I would go to heaven, but I didn’t think about God unless I was in church or with my grandmother. 

The Fair to Middling Years

My paternal grandmother was a devout Texas Baptist and when we visited her I went to church with her five times a week.  I remember, as a teenager, wanting desperately to go down to the front of her church more than once to accept Christ, but I was too embarrassed.  From her desire to see my brother and me saved, my grandmother arranged for us to be kidnapped from Wednesday night’s BYF (we were staying with her while my parents were out of town) and witnessed to until we were saved.  I was almost thirteen.  After a couple of hours, I dutifully repeated what I was told to say and was driven back to my grandparent’s home. 

My grandmother was thrilled that night when I told her I had said exactly what the people who had kidnapped me had told me to say, but I knew any salvation or acceptance of Christ on my part was untrue. That made me feel both sad and unworthy. Later, lying alone in my bed, I chose to accept Christ with my own words, with an open heart, and felt a wonderful sense of peace – which lasted until I woke up the following morning.  I then fell off any consistent spiritual path.  I looked at various religions and read the Bible, but I didn’t have any spiritual guidance nor did I feel comfortable asking for it from my family.  I made my own way, reading Scripture at my leisure, going to church on occasion with friends, drawing my own conclusions about faith and Christianity.  I made many mistakes and many poor choices, but the undercurrent of God’s calling was always present in my life.  At many junctures, various individuals came into my life to give me a nudge, but none of them seemed to provide the kind of consistent, long-term support I needed (or perhaps I was too stubborn to move forward). 

Where Am I Now?

Many years later, I married a wonderful man and when our daughter was born, I knew I wanted more for all of us and started seeking.  I read Scripture, other books, and watched Biblical programs to educate myself.  I went back to church, dragging my husband and daughter along.  At forty, I chose to be baptized, affirming my faith.  Several years later, when my husband and I decided to look for a different church to attend, friends recommended a local Nazarene church.  Because my great-aunt had been a longtime faithful attendee of the Church of the Nazarene, I was vaguely familiar with Wesleyan theology.  We fell in love with our church and, nine months after first attending, I officially became a member.

Feeling the need to connect more deeply with Scripture, and with the intent of eventually teaching, I returned to college, earning a B.S. in Religion from Liberty University.  Not long after, I realized that I needed to heed the whispers I had been hearing from my heart for many years and began to pray about a calling to ministry.  Eventually, I knew I must act and discussed my calling with my family who supported me immediately.

Eventually, I participated in a pastoral leadership program at my church while also taking ministry preparation classes at a Nazarene College.  I also taught Sunday school classes in the elementary, youth and adult age groups. When I was notified that I would no longer continue in the pastoral leadership program. I wasn’t expecting that blow. It took me over 10 years to fight through the ensuing depression, the guilt at being unworthy of what I saw as God’s calling in my life, the pain of losing out on the ability to spend the last 25 years of my working life in the role I saw myself fulfilling for God. It was painfully difficult to go through that. 

And it took a toll on my already unreliable health. I’d had a heart attack while earning my degree and experienced other problems as well.  I try not to let them stand in the way of accomplishing the goals I believe God is allowing me to reach.  I think I generally don’t fit the preconceived mold that most people expect of a female Christian leader, but I believe that’s okay. I may not look like I’m sixty+ – or act like it, either –  but as long as I am listening to the Holy Spirit’s guidance by placing my trust in God and my faith in the Salvation of Christ, I know I am on the best path I can possibly have chosen to walk.

Time for Fun

I’m sure it seems as though this has been “all about me,” and here’s some more!  If I could compete in Olympic window shopping, I could possibly win a medal.  I’m a non-techie in a technologically advanced family.  I read a lot. I love movies. I have a wonderful circle of friends I can count on which is huge for me since I don’t live near family.  I love to travel, take pictures (only on auto settings), write (who’d’ve thunk it?) and love spending time with family and friends.  And I love being a work in progress that God views as completed potential.